Child Care Basics: Positive Guidance and Everyday Behavior Support

What “Positive Guidance” Means in Daily Child Care

Positive guidance is a way of supporting behavior that focuses on teaching, not punishing. It assumes children do well when they can—and when they can’t, their behavior is communicating a need or a missing skill. Your job is to keep everyone safe, set clear limits, and coach children toward the behavior you want to see.

Core principles

• Clear expectations: short, concrete rules stated as what to do (not what to stop).
• Consistent routines: predictable sequences reduce power struggles and anxiety.
• Redirection: move a child from an unsafe/unacceptable action to an acceptable one.
• Choices: offer limited, acceptable options to build cooperation.
• Natural/logical consequences: outcomes that are directly related to the behavior and appropriate to the child’s age.

The Four-Step Guidance Cycle

Use this structure to prevent and respond to challenging behavior: identify the need, adjust the environment, teach the skill, and follow up. You can move through the steps quickly in the moment, then revisit later when everyone is calm.

1) Identify the need behind the behavior

Ask: “What is this behavior trying to accomplish?” Common needs include:

• Connection (seeking attention, reassurance, closeness)
• Control/independence (wanting a say, resisting transitions)
• Sensory/physical (tired, hungry, overstimulated, needs movement)
• Communication (limited language, can’t express frustration)
• Skill gap (doesn’t know how to wait, share, ask, or cope)

Quick check in the moment: scan for triggers (crowding, long wait, confusing directions, too hard a task, transition, conflict over materials).

2) Adjust the environment (prevention first)

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• Make expectations visible and simple: “Walking feet inside,” “Hands are for helping,” “Toys stay low.”
• Reduce waiting: give a job while waiting (hold the book, carry napkins).
• Duplicate high-interest items: two trucks, extra markers, multiple dolls.
• Create defined spaces: tape lines for blocks, a cozy corner, a clear “car track” area.
• Plan transitions: warnings, songs, picture cues, and a consistent order (clean up → bathroom → snack).
• Offer movement breaks: heavy work (push a cart), animal walks, outdoor time.

3) Teach the skill (in calm moments and in tiny steps)

Children need to be shown what to do, not just told what not to do. Teach skills like:

• How to ask: “Can I have a turn?”
• How to wait: hands on belly, count to 10, hold a waiting card.
• How to cope: breathe, squeeze playdough, go to the cozy spot.
• How to repair: check on a friend, help fix, practice gentle touch.

Teach with: modeling (“Watch me ask”), role-play, short scripts, and immediate practice when the child is ready.

4) Follow up (repair, reflect, and plan)

After the moment:

• Reconnect: “You’re safe. I’m here.”
• Review: name what happened briefly and neutrally.
• Practice: rehearse the replacement skill once.
• Plan: adjust the environment or routine for next time.

Tools You’ll Use All Day

Clear expectations: say what to do

Use short phrases, one idea at a time, at the child’s eye level.

• “Feet on the floor.”
• “Hands stay on your own body.”
• “Toys are for the table.”
• “Gentle touches.”

Consistent routines: predictable = calmer

Keep the order of events stable and announce changes early. For children who struggle with transitions, use a “first/then” statement:

“First clean up, then we go outside.”

Redirection: move from “no” to “do this”

Redirection works best when you act early and offer a clear alternative.

• “Blocks stay on the floor. You can throw beanbags in the basket.”
• “Markers are for paper. Here’s a big sheet.”

Choices: limited, acceptable options

Offer two choices you can live with. Avoid open-ended questions when the answer can’t be “no.”

• “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?”
• “You may walk to the bathroom or hold my hand and walk together.”

Natural vs. logical consequences (age-appropriate)

Guideline: consequences should be immediate, related, respectful, and brief. Avoid shame, threats, or unrelated punishments.

Scenario Playbook: Step-by-Step Responses with Exact Language

In each scenario, the steps follow the same pattern: 1) Safety/stop → 2) Name the limit → 3) Identify need → 4) Teach/redirect → 5) Repair → 6) Follow up.

Scenario 1: Biting (common in young toddlers)

What the behavior may mean: overwhelmed, teething/sensory need, frustration, limited language, protecting a toy/space.

Step-by-step response (in the moment)

• 1) Stop and separate calmly: move between children; keep your voice steady.
• 2) Attend to the child who was bitten first (without shaming the biter).
• 3) State the limit and the safe alternative.
• 4) Support the biter with a replacement action (chew toy, words, space).
• 5) Repair: simple, guided check-in.

Exact caregiver language

• To the bitten child: “I see you’re hurt. I’m going to help you.”
• To the child who bit (neutral, firm): “I won’t let you bite. Biting hurts.”
• Offer alternative: “You can bite this teether.” or “Say, ‘Move please,’” (model the words).
• Repair (if ready): “Let’s check on Sam. Gentle touch.” If not ready: “You’re having a hard time. We’ll try again when your body is calm.”

Follow-up plan

• Track patterns: time of day, crowded areas, specific peers, transitions.
• Adjust environment: more space at high-conflict centers, duplicates of favorite toys.
• Teach skill daily: practice “my turn/your turn,” “help,” “stop,” and “move.”
• Provide sensory supports: crunchy snacks (if appropriate), chew tools, heavy work.

Scenario 2: Grabbing toys

What the behavior may mean: impulse control still developing, doesn’t know how to ask or wait, fear of losing access.

Step-by-step response

• 1) Block the grab with your hand if needed.
• 2) Label the rule: taking from hands is not okay.
• 3) Return the toy to the original child (briefly, without a lecture).
• 4) Coach the requester to ask for a turn and offer a waiting strategy.
• 5) Set a simple turn plan (timer, “when you’re done,” or a specific number of turns).

Exact caregiver language

• “I can’t let you grab. Toys stay with the person using them.”
• To the child who wants it: “You can say, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’”
• To the child using it: “You’re using the truck. When you’re done, it’s Maya’s turn.”
• Waiting support: “While you wait, you can hold the timer or choose another truck.”

Follow-up plan

• Teach a consistent script: ask → wait → get turn.
• Use visuals: a “turn” card or sand timer.
• Practice in play when calm: role-play grabbing vs. asking.

Scenario 3: Tantrums (crying, yelling, dropping to floor)

What the behavior may mean: overwhelmed, transition difficulty, frustration, fatigue, hunger, or “I can’t do this yet.” Tantrums are not the time for long explanations.

Step-by-step response

• 1) Ensure safety: move objects, create space, stay close.
• 2) Co-regulate: calm body, calm voice, minimal words.
• 3) Name the feeling and boundary (briefly).
• 4) Offer a simple choice or coping tool.
• 5) When calm returns, teach the next step (one small practice).

Exact caregiver language

• “You’re really upset. I’m here.”
• “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to hit.”
• “Do you want a hug or space right next to me?”
• “Let’s take three slow breaths together.”
• After calm: “Next time, you can say ‘Help’ or ‘All done.’ Let’s practice: ‘Help, please.’”

Follow-up plan

• Strengthen transition supports: warnings, consistent order, a job to do.
• Reduce triggers: shorten wait times, offer snack/water as scheduled.
• Teach coping skills daily in calm moments (breathing, squeeze, cozy spot).

Scenario 4: Refusal (won’t clean up, won’t come inside, “No!”)

What the behavior may mean: seeking autonomy, transition is hard, task feels too big, doesn’t understand what “clean up” means.

Step-by-step response

• 1) Connect and state the expectation (calm, confident).
• 2) Offer two choices within the expectation.
• 3) Break the task into a tiny first step.
• 4) Use a logical consequence if refusal continues (related and brief).

Exact caregiver language

• “It’s clean-up time. Toys go in the bin.”
• “Do you want to put in the blocks or the cars first?”
• “Start with five pieces. I’ll count with you: one…two…”
• If refusal continues: “If the toys aren’t picked up, they rest on the shelf until tomorrow. You can try again now.”

Follow-up plan

• Make clean-up concrete: labeled bins with pictures; fewer items out at once.
• Use consistent cues: same song, same sequence, same expectations.
• Teach “first/then” language and practice during easy transitions.

Scenario 5: Rough play (pushing, tackling, crashing into others)

What the behavior may mean: sensory seeking, excitement, doesn’t know body boundaries, needs active play rules.

Step-by-step response

• 1) Stop the unsafe action immediately by positioning your body and using a firm voice.
• 2) State the safety rule and name what you saw.
• 3) Redirect to an appropriate “big body” activity.
• 4) Teach consent and boundaries (ask first, stop means stop).
• 5) Repair: check on the child who was impacted.

Exact caregiver language

• “Stop. I won’t let you push.”
• “Your body is feeling wiggly. Big bodies go outside (or to the crash pillows).”
• “If you want to play chase, ask: ‘Do you want to play?’ If they say ‘no’ or ‘stop,’ you stop.”
• To the impacted child: “Are you okay? I’m here.”
• Repair: “Let’s help make it better. You can bring an ice pack or ask, ‘Are you okay?’”

Follow-up plan

• Schedule daily active play and heavy-work options.
• Define “rough play rules” if allowed (where, when, how many children, adult nearby).
• Teach “stop” as a power word and practice stopping games.

How to Use Natural and Logical Consequences Without Power Struggles

Make it predictable

State the expectation and consequence ahead of time in neutral language.

“Sand stays low. If sand is thrown, the sand tools take a break and we choose another activity.”

Keep it brief and respectful

• Avoid lectures during dysregulation.
• Avoid consequences that remove basic needs (food, rest, comfort).
• Avoid public shaming or forced apologies.

Match to age

• Young toddlers: immediate redirection and simple limits; consequences are mostly environmental (remove item, move location).
• Older toddlers/preschoolers: simple turn-taking systems, helping repair, short loss of access to misused materials.
• School-age: collaborative problem-solving, making a plan, restitution (fix/replace/clean) with guidance.

Documenting Incidents Objectively (and Why It Matters)

Objective documentation helps you see patterns, improves team consistency, and supports clear communication with families. Write what you observed, not what you assume.

What to include

• Date/time and location
• Who was involved (use full names per program policy)
• Antecedent: what happened right before
• Behavior: observable actions (not labels)
• Response: what staff did
• Outcome: what happened next, any injury care
• Follow-up: environment changes, skills practiced, notifications

Objective vs. subjective wording

Sample incident note (template)

Date/Time: Location: People involved: Antecedent: (What happened right before?) Observed behavior: (What did the child do/say?) Staff response: (Limits, redirection, first aid, separation, coaching) Outcome: (Calmed, returned to play, parent notified) Follow-up plan: (Environment change, skill practice, monitoring)

Communicating with Families Without Blame

Families need accurate information and reassurance that you are teaching skills and keeping children safe. Share facts, the support plan, and how families can reinforce skills at home—without labeling the child.

Guidelines for respectful communication

• Start with safety and care: confirm the child is okay and supported.
• Use neutral facts: what happened, where, and what staff did.
• Share the teaching plan: the replacement skill you’re practicing.
• Invite partnership: ask what works at home; offer a consistent script.
• Protect privacy: do not share other children’s names or details.

Sample family communication scripts

For biting (child who bit)

“I want to let you know about an incident today. During free play near the blocks, Jordan bit when another child moved close to the toy he was using. We stopped it right away, helped the other child, and coached Jordan to use ‘Move please’ and to get a teether. We’re watching for patterns and will stay close during that play area. At home, you can practice the words ‘Move please’ and ‘Help’ during play.”

For biting (child who was bitten)

“Today your child was bitten during free play. We responded immediately, provided comfort and care, and monitored the area. Your child returned to play after support. We’re increasing supervision and teaching children to ask for space and use gentle touches. If you notice any changes at home, please let us know.”

For tantrums

“At clean-up time, Riley became very upset and cried and kicked on the floor for about four minutes. We stayed close, kept everyone safe, and helped Riley calm with breathing and a quiet space. Afterward, we practiced saying ‘Help, please’ and ‘One more minute.’ We’ll keep using the same words and transition warnings.”

For repeated grabbing

“We’re seeing that Kai often wants a toy right away and is still learning how to wait. Today we practiced asking for a turn and using a timer. We’ll keep coaching the same script: ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’ If you’d like, you can practice turn-taking games at home using the same words.”

Guidance Toolkit (Cheat Sheet)