Define the Helper Role: Psychological First Aid (PFA) Is Support, Not Treatment
In PFA, your role is to offer short-term, practical, humane support during or after a stressful event. You are not diagnosing, processing trauma, or providing ongoing psychotherapy. Clear role definition protects the person in distress (so they get the right level of care) and protects you (so you don’t become responsible for outcomes you cannot control).
Scope of PFA vs. Counseling/Therapy
| Element | PFA helper role | Counseling/therapy role |
|---|---|---|
| Goal | Stabilize and support functioning in the near term | Treat mental health conditions; process patterns and trauma |
| Time frame | Minutes to a few contacts; time-limited | Ongoing sessions over weeks/months |
| Focus | Immediate needs, coping, practical next steps | Deep emotional processing, insight, behavior change plans |
| Methods | Grounding, supportive listening, problem navigation, connection to resources | Clinical interventions (e.g., structured therapies), treatment planning |
| Authority | No clinical authority; collaborative support | Clinical responsibility, documentation, duty-of-care standards |
A simple role statement you can use
Role clarity script: “I’m here to support you right now and help you get through the next steps. I’m not a therapist, but I can listen, help you think through options, and help you connect with the right supports.”
Boundaries on Time, Availability, and Emotional Labor
Boundaries are not a rejection; they are a structure that makes support safer and sustainable. Without boundaries, helpers often slide into 24/7 availability, emotional over-involvement, and burnout—while the person in distress may become dependent on one relationship instead of building a broader support plan.
Step-by-step: Set a time boundary in the moment
Name the container: state how long you can talk.
Prioritize: ask what is most important to cover in that time.
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Offer a next step: schedule a follow-up if appropriate, or identify another support.
Close with care: summarize and confirm immediate plan.
Time boundary scripts
“I can stay with you for about 15 minutes right now. What feels most urgent to talk through first?”
“I need to step away at 3:30. Before I go, let’s make sure you’re not alone and you know what you’ll do next.”
“I’m available during work hours. If things feel worse tonight, let’s identify who you can contact and what services are available.”
Availability boundaries (phone/text/social media)
Ambiguity creates pressure. Decide your default rules before you’re in the moment.
Channel: “I can talk in person or by phone, but I don’t do crisis support over text.”
Response time: “I may not respond right away. If you feel unsafe, contact emergency services or a crisis line.”
Hours: “I’m not available after 9 p.m.”
Emotional labor boundaries: helping without carrying
Emotional labor boundary means you can be compassionate without becoming the person’s primary regulator, decision-maker, or constant reassurance source.
Notice “pulls”: urgency, guilt, fear of disappointing them, feeling like you’re the only one who can help.
Return responsibility: support choices without taking ownership of outcomes.
Use “and” language: “I care about you, and I can’t be available all night.”
Emotional boundary scripts
“I’m glad you reached out. I can listen for a bit, and I also want to make sure you have more than one support.”
“I can’t promise I can keep you calm, but we can identify what helps and who else can be with you.”
“I’m not able to make that decision for you. I can help you list options and what each would involve.”
Consent and Confidentiality Basics
Ethical helping requires clarity about what the person agrees to, what you will do with information, and what you cannot keep private when safety is at stake. Even if you are not a clinician, you can still practice strong consent and confidentiality habits.
Consent: what it looks like in PFA
Consent is an ongoing “yes,” not a one-time checkbox. It includes consent to talk, to involve others, to share information, and to take specific actions (like calling a family member or supervisor).
Consent scripts
“Is it okay if I sit with you and ask a few questions to understand what you need right now?”
“Would you like ideas, or do you mainly want me to listen?”
“Would it be helpful to bring in someone you trust, or would you prefer privacy?”
Confidentiality: what can be kept private
As a general rule, keep personal details private and share only what is necessary for practical support. Use the minimum necessary principle: share the least amount of information needed to get help.
Usually private: personal story details, feelings, relationship conflicts, non-urgent stressors, sensitive identity information.
Share only with permission: contacting a friend/family member, informing a manager/teacher, coordinating with community supports.
What must be shared for safety (limits of confidentiality)
Some situations require you to involve others even without permission, depending on your setting and local laws/policies. When in doubt, consult your organization’s safeguarding policy or a designated supervisor. The core principle: safety overrides privacy.
Imminent risk of harm to self or others (credible threats, intent, access to means).
Abuse or neglect of a child, elder, or vulnerable person (mandatory reporting may apply).
Severe impairment where the person cannot care for basic safety (e.g., disorientation, inability to get home safely).
Limit-setting script (plain and respectful): “I want to respect your privacy. If I’m worried about immediate safety—yours or someone else’s—I may need to involve additional help. I’ll tell you what I’m doing and why.”
Step-by-step: How to share information ethically when safety is involved
Explain the concern: name what you observed (not assumptions).
State the limit: what you can’t keep private and why.
Invite collaboration: ask who they would prefer to involve.
Share minimally: only the safety-relevant facts.
Document if required: in workplaces/schools, follow policy.
Example script: “You said you might hurt yourself tonight, and that makes me concerned about your immediate safety. I can’t keep that to myself. Let’s call a crisis service together, and if you’d like, we can also contact someone you trust to stay with you.”
Avoiding Dependency, Rescuing, and Over-Promising
Role drift often happens when the helper becomes the person’s main coping tool. This can feel caring in the short term but can weaken the person’s autonomy and increase your sense of responsibility.
Common traps
Dependency: they contact you for every spike of distress; you become the default.
Rescuing: you take over tasks, make calls, solve problems without consent, or shield them from all discomfort.
Over-promising: “I’ll always be here,” “Everything will be fine,” “I won’t tell anyone,” “I’ll fix this.”
Step-by-step: Shift from rescuing to supporting
Pause: notice urgency in yourself (“I must fix this now”).
Ask permission: “Would you like help with this?”
Offer choices: two or three realistic options.
Do with, not for: stay alongside while they take the action when possible.
Build a support web: identify at least one additional support person/service.
Anti-rescuing scripts
“I can help you make the call, but I’d like you to be the one to speak if you can.”
“I can’t promise outcomes, but I can help you take the next step.”
“I’m one support. Who else can be on your list for tonight?”
How to say “no” without abandoning
Effective boundaries combine empathy, a clear limit, and an alternative.
Empathy + Limit + Alternative“I hear how intense this is. I can’t stay on the phone past 10 minutes, and I can help you decide who to call next.”
“I care about you. I’m not able to keep this secret if safety is at risk, and we can talk about the safest way to get help.”
Managing Dual Relationships (Coworkers, Family, Students)
Dual relationships happen when you have more than one role with the person (e.g., colleague and helper, teacher and helper, family member and helper). They increase the risk of blurred boundaries, perceived favoritism, confidentiality problems, and pressure to provide ongoing support.
Coworkers
Risk: mixing support with performance management, gossip, or workplace politics.
Boundary practice: keep conversations private, avoid taking sides, and use formal supports when needed (HR, employee assistance, supervisor pathways).
Script: “I’m glad you told me. I can support you as a colleague right now, and I also want to keep work boundaries clear. Would you like to contact HR/EAP together, or would you prefer I help you plan what to say?”
Family and close friends
Risk: emotional fusion, rescuing, conflict spillover, and feeling responsible for their recovery.
Boundary practice: separate “relationship time” from “support time,” and involve additional supports so you are not the sole container.
Script: “I love you and I want to support you. I can talk for 20 minutes now, and then I need to rest. Let’s also think about who else can be with you tomorrow.”
Students (or people you supervise)
Risk: power imbalance, confidentiality limits in institutions, and expectations of special access.
Boundary practice: follow safeguarding policies, avoid private off-hours messaging, and use designated student support services.
Script: “I’m here to support you, and I also have to follow school policy. I can help you connect with the counselor/support office, and we can decide together what information needs to be shared.”
Social media and informal contact
Risk: 24/7 access, public disclosures, blurred personal/professional identity.
Boundary practice: avoid private crisis conversations on public platforms; move to appropriate channels; do not “monitor” their posts as a safety plan.
Script: “I saw your message. I’m not able to support crisis situations through social media. If you’re in danger, call emergency services. If you want, we can talk tomorrow by phone or I can help you find immediate support now.”
Red-Flag Patterns That Signal Role Drift
Use these patterns as an early warning system. One sign doesn’t automatically mean you’ve crossed a line, but clusters of signs mean you should reset boundaries and involve additional supports.
Red flags in the helper
You feel solely responsible for their safety, mood, or decisions.
You cancel important obligations repeatedly to respond to them.
You dread their messages but feel unable to stop responding.
You keep secrets that make you uneasy or isolated.
You start giving directives (“You must…”) rather than offering options.
You feel anger at other supports (“No one else helps like I do”).
Red flags in the person receiving support
They insist only you can help or discourage you from involving others.
They escalate contact frequency, especially late-night or during your off-hours.
They seek repeated reassurance for the same issue without taking any steps.
They test boundaries (guilt, threats of self-harm to keep you engaged, anger when you set limits).
They ask you to keep high-stakes secrets related to safety.
Step-by-step: How to reset when you notice role drift
Name the shift: “I notice we’ve been relying on me as the main support.”
Re-state your role: time-limited support, not therapy.
Set a specific boundary: hours, frequency, channel, topics you can/can’t hold alone.
Add supports: identify at least one additional person/service and make a concrete plan to involve them.
Follow through consistently: inconsistency teaches that boundaries can be negotiated in crises.
Reset script (firm, caring): “I care about you, and I’m not able to be your only support. I can talk for 15 minutes today, and then I want us to connect you with two other supports. If you feel unsafe at any point, we’ll use emergency or crisis services.”
Boundary-Setting Script Library (Quick Use)
When they ask for constant access
“I’m not available by text at night. Let’s plan what you’ll do if things spike after hours.”
“I can check in once tomorrow. Between now and then, who can you reach out to?”
When they want you to keep a dangerous secret
“I can’t agree to keep something private if someone’s safety is at risk. I will involve help, and I’ll do it in the most respectful way possible.”
When they want you to decide for them
“I can’t choose for you, but I can help you weigh the options and what each would mean.”
When you need to end the conversation
“I need to go now. Before I do, tell me: what’s your next step in the next hour?”
“Let’s summarize what you’re taking from this, and who you’ll contact if you need more support.”
When you need to involve someone else
“I’d like to bring in additional support so you’re not carrying this alone. Who would you prefer we contact first?”
